Archive | May 2010

Finding Cheer in the Midst of Pain

I am a great champion of cheer.  Now that doesn’t mean that I don’t have my moments because I certainly do.  And, it certainly doesn’t mean that  I don’t occasionally have a bad mood.  That would be an understatement.  But what it does mean is that in all things I look for the bright side, the lesson, the positive.  I write this blog today solely for my soothing.  I’ll share it because I’m nice most of the time,  but please recognize that this one is all about me.

Today has been a difficult day.  I arrived at the gym this morning  to learn that a friend who has been battling lung cancer for the past year lost her fight.  She has two children ages five and seven and her mom is also a member there.  I am so sad for the mom for though she has had time to prepare for the inevitable,  I have heard that there is no greater pain than that of burying a child.  I have a hard time envisioning our next conversation as we have had private discussions regarding her daughter’s health throughout this ordeal.  I know that she is strong and that she has prepared herself for this, but does one ever prepare oneself for the death of the child.  I noted in the obituary in the paper that my friend was preceded in death by her brother.  I can only imagine this mother’s pain.  My friend was 43.

I left the gym to go to my caretaker duties.  For a couple of years I have been helping to care for my grandmother,  who also is sick with cancer.  On Saturday the family gathered to celebrate her 87th birthday with the almost certain knowledge that it will be her last.  I know that I just saw my grandmother on Saturday but when I arrived today I was made all too aware of the rapid rate at which she is declining.  While I will spare you the details,  I will just say that my third eye is taking in all that is happening.  I have been very accepting of the circle of life and content with the knowledge that my grandmother has led a long and fulfilling life.  This is where the little cup of cheer should brighten my thoughts but today it didn’t.

I guess I am realizing today that sometimes you just have to acknowledge the pain.  While cheer has its place and I know that her will to live left when several family members dear to her died five years ago, that she has not suffered any pain (that we are aware of), and that her family has ensured she continue to stay at home in a loving environment it is still hard to watch another person live out the final days of their life.

Yes I am strong, yes I can do this and yes,  I will see the bright side in it all.  However, I am still very saddened to think of two little children growing up without the love of their mother, and my family without its  matriarch.

What I must really hang my hat on is what I shared with my Twitter/Facebook  family this morning.  Life really is very short and precious.  We should try at all costs not to get hung up on the incidental and insignificant.  Appreciate life and all of the blessings it brings and strive to be a blessing to others.  It really is that simple.  And, of course, all of this stands on a foundation of love.  Spread love every day.  If you have it share it.  We are called to love- not just those with whom we feel comfortable and affectionate  (that’s the easy part)  but those from whom we will receive nothing in return.  It is truly what life is all about.

Thanks for bearing with me today.  I will be my “normal” self tomorrow.

Spread love…peace and blessings.

Tirani

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