Archive | October 2011

Lessons Learned

I have recently had some very deep, enriching and meaningful discussions with a number of people.  As I am always seeking to learn, I have walked away from these discussions with the following lessons.

1.  Everyone has a story-  It is important to listen to a person’s story before attempting to judge them.

2.  Don’t judge- there but for the grace of God go I.  If you haven’t walked in a person’s shoes don’t tell them how to wear them.

3. Relationships are always enriched through honesty and open communication- always

4.  The distance between you and another is always shortened by a warm hug.

5.  Pride gets in the way of our blessings.

6.  We are ALL more similar than we are different.

7.  Everyone raises their children in the way they think is best- again, don’t judge.

8.  Some choices have lifelong consequences- everything that is done can not be undone (especially pertinent for parents to remember).

9.  Children can be and are irreparably harmed by parents lack of foresight- balance is necessary in any situation.

10. Marriage should not occur in the midst of doubt, uncertainty, fear, haste, lack of forethought.

11.  Your gut is ALWAYS right- that’s God talking to you; Listen, and conform no matter how uncomfortable.

12. Everyone can not and should not be trusted- but you have to be willing to go out on a limb.  Sometimes the greatest rewards are there.

13.  Fear is a great inhibitor to freedom- do what you know you need to do in spite of the fear.

14. Even when you least suspect it, there is a core group of people who will have your back- knowing who they are helps.

15.  Love is the greatest gift you can give a person- it always fits, costs nothing, and true love doesn’t go away.


Spread love…peace and blessings



Hold Up the Light

Hold up the light

Today I will recognize and focus upon the good that is within everyone I encounter. It’s the God in me… and them. : -)

We all are made with good and love within. Spreading that is one of our main purposes in life.  Yet, I often find myself getting stuck on focusing on the negativity that another person presents.  This focus causes a momentary muddling of my eyesight such that I momentarily lose sight of all that is good and right about them.  Thus I sometimes have to remind myself that no matter what happens I will see the good.  By doing this I am also shining my light brightly.  Focusing on other’s shortcomings is not a loving act.  I certainly have enough of my own shortcomings should I wish to focus on some.

Some people make themselves easy targets of the above mentioned behavior.  They have been hurt, harmed, abused and misused and feel most comfortable if they can make you feel as they do.  What must be understood is that some people have endured some extremely undesirable circumstances. They were never encouraged to let their inner light shine.  They have not been enlightened.   Understanding this allows one to look further than the surface presentation. We can see the light that shines however dimly; and by letting them know we see it, we allow them to shine.

So join with me if you dare.  See the light in others.  Look hard to see what is good.  It does wonders for them but will also cause a transformation in your life.  When you see light it reflects off of you.  As you look to others with no malicious thoughts and intentions your light reflects back from them.  It’s a beautiful thing.  I have been on the receiving end of someone helping me see the beauty that is me and trust me when I tell you it is indeed one the greatest gifts I ever received. Try to get to and understand the other person’s woes and struggles.  Help them through either consciously or unconsciously.  Hold up the light.  Allow them to shine.

Spread love… peace and blessings



No one is immune from down periods in life.  They may come as a result of your own actions or things beyond your control.  They may be short-lived or last for a while.  Any way you slice it, we all have them.  What differs from person to person is our approach to these periods.  What do we or can we do to facilitate our way out of the darkness?  More and more I am sure that the key lies in two simple words: do something.

I believe that the more we sit around and wallow in our troubles, hosting our own pity party, reminding ourselves of what all we don’t have, can’t do, etc. the more down we become.  Instead get moving both mentally and physically.  Exercise releases endorphins which are known to be great mood regulators.  Feeling depressed? Don’t have or can’t afford a gym membership? Walking and dancing are great free exercises and many community centers, churches, and Y’s offer classes that are very reasonable.   So, the party will wait while you get out and get moving and I suspect you will find that you are ready to postpone it for another day upon your return.

Being unemployed or underemployed is very demoralizing.  It hurts to feel that your contributions are no longer desired.  It hurts even more to feel as if no one sees the value you have to offer.  Being underemployed is no picnic.  Especially as a friend recently put it being “chronically underemployed.”  Everyone with a healthy sense of self-esteem has at least a reasonable idea of their own worth.  When you are not able to obtain employment that validates that value to both yourself and others it is indeed demoralizing.  To work and realize that you make less than someone who receives unemployment benefits is heart wrenching.  So what is the solution?  Are there any? Of course there are.  While you continue to look for a job or one that substantiates your worth you can get additional training related to the job you would LIKE to have.  But that costs money that I don’t have.  Not necessarily!! There are resource materials in the library.  There are also many training programs available free on-line.  You probably have the time.  It’s at least worth the effort to look into it.

My relationship has fallen to pieces, I am in the middle of a divorce, my wo/man has left me, I can’t seem to find anyone.  All places that most of us find ourselves in at one point or another.  I’m so depressed, upset, down.  I don’t want to do anything but sit around and cry/sulk/pout.  Do something.  You are not going to attract a person of quality by sitting around being a bitter man/woman. No one wants to hear the constant woes of your past relationships.  Use this time to work on you- yes you.  While I am certain that person was a dirty, rotten scoundrel there are aspects of you that could use tweaking as well.  🙂 Take the time to take an honest look at what you did to lead to the demise of your last relationship and use that as a catalyst for change in the future.   The effort will be well rewarded.  You may just have to trust me on this one.

Disclaimer: this blog was inspired by a poem I wrote on 10/8/11.  I found myself falling down into the dumps and a voice came into my head and said “well things are bad but they don’t have to stay that way.  Instead of just sitting around complaining about it DO SOMETHING.” This poem was birthed out of that realization:


Sometimes life deals us
the very worst of hands
and there seems little we can do

Sometimes our friends leave us
and no one seems to understand
what can we do

Sometimes the bills are many
and the jobs are few
what in the world am I to do

Sometimes the things I ignore
come to the forefront
and hide no more

Many times it is easy to say
there is nothing I can do
my resources are few

Many times I don’t
make the first move
waiting for you to choose

Your life will not change
if you continue to do

Tiny baby steps
build momentum
that leads to giant leaps

Failure is an option
but not doing anything
is already failing

In the face of failure
in the face of loss
in the face of ridicule

Those who laugh and scoff
are not helping you now
so what does it matter

The universe is designed
to provide what you need
and give you what you want

No matter where you are
no matter what the obstacles
you are a winner if you just

TB-S 10/9/11

Spread love…peace and blessings.


Lessons From The Past Can Reshape Your Future

As hopefully you are all aware the purpose of this blog is to add a little joy to your day, add a dose of sunshine or just give you something to think about.  Sometimes that comes by way of a funny story (getting lost in DC), sometimes it is anecdotal and sometimes it is via a more serious looking topic.  Today we are in serious topic neighborhood, but it is my hope that by the end of piece you will find something that will bring you cheer.

In the past few days I have been mentally delving into my the closet of my past.  A series of conversations have led me to begin to comment on possible reasons for the way I am about certain things.  Not excuses,  just explanations of behavior and choices.  I have frankly been a little astonished by the revelations.  I realize that I am letting the past affect me to a much larger degree than I ever imagined. And to imagine I figured  this all out for free without counseling.  lol

While the incidents that formed my thoughts were indeed traumatic they did not have to be life altering.  Did not have to be but they were.  If there is one regret it is that I’ve allowed my internalization of these events hold me back in some ways.  I have not allowed my light to shine as brightly as possible because of other people.  This is not a good thing.  I am withholding my gifts, denying my purpose.  I was not made to do that.

As I shared part of my observations with a friend he stated something to me that involved the phrase “shine girl.”  In sharing the phrase with another friend an idea was born.  A Cup of Cheer is my baby. I intend to continue to nurture this brand as it grows into the vision that I have for it.  However, I also recognize that for a multitude of reasons many girls, young ladies, women do no allow themselves to shine at their highest wattage.  I can’t save the world, but one girl/young lady/woman at a time I am going to work with others on putting the incidents of their past behind them and shining as they press forward.  Interestingly enough, the guest minister at my church yesterday preached on pressing forward.  This for me was confirmation that I am on the right track.

Some of you are already in my cross hairs.  I’m coming to you for help with this project.  Look to hear from me soon.  I have fully ingested the lesson :your past is a part of you but does not have to define you.  We are reflections of the God within and that is nothing but goodness and love.

I’m off and running and I’m not turning back.  Shine, girl!!!

Spread love…peace and blessings.