Tag Archive | friendship

You are one of my FAVORITE people

Welcome back readers.  One of my favorite things about this creative process is being open to change.  I had a totally different topic that I was prepared to write about today, but then it happened.  Someone said to me earlier “you are one of my favorite people” and I realized, this is my topic today.

You are one of my favorite people. In my mind this statement is the highest form of compliment.  Why? Because of what it says and also what it doesn’t say. It doesn’t say “you are my best friend” because you probably are not. It doesn’t mean “I just love everything about you” because  I probably don’t.

Then what does it mean?  I realize this is subjective, so here it is.  This is what it means to me.  When I tell you, you are one of my favorite people, it means:

  1. The very essence of who you are resonates deeply with me. I admire your ability to be exactly who you are and be okay with it
  2. I have learned a lot from you.
  3. I admire your spirit.
  4. There are qualities about you that I admire and hope to someday achieve.

You are not going to be everyone’s favorite person. In fact, you may only hold this title for a few people.  Again, the specialness (my word) of it is what makes it a compliment of the highest order.  I have a few favorites and I gladly let them know.  Everyone wants to receive this type of accolade no?

Spread Love,

Peace and Blessings!

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Birthday Musings

Well it’s that time- albeit a little delayed this year. Every year I take time to review my life.  This generally takes place on New Year’s Day and my birthday(7/1).  Well, we are officially 15 days past my birthday.  Life’s circumstances delayed me putting pen to paper or fingers to keys, as it were, this year but I definitely put in the time for reflection.  So, at the ripe young age of 47 here’s what I’ve learned so far.  Some lessons came a while ago while some are very recent.  Regardless of the timing, they are things I now hold as true.

1.  I can’t change anyone but myself.  While this is definitely true, what is even more true is that though I will not ask anyone to change who they are for me I am firm in what is not acceptable behavior for/toward me.  You don’t have to change, but I don’t have to tolerate it either!

2. Most people are good at heart.  The more you accept that, the more people will show you how good they really are.  (another way of stating that most people live up to your expectations)

3.  Age is definitely a state of mind.  I’m 47 but still 25 in my mind.  I think constantly relating to my inner child helps me look younger.

4.  You have to take care of your mind, body, and soul.  You can amass money and for some that is the ultimate goal.  But those funds will not keep you out of the doctor’s office, off of medication and off of the operating table.

5.  You can’t choose your family, but often times when the rubber meets the road you will find that they are truly there for you.

6.  You really do have to power to change your life simply based on what you think.  The Law of Attraction is real.  If you don’t believe me, try some of the principles yourself and prove me wrong.  I’ll wait; you won’t.  😉

7.  Some things have changed from the old days but I don’t HAVE to change with them if the change is not for the best.  This deserves its own blog as it cannot be summarized in a sentence or two.

8.  You can’t make me hate you, cause I won’t! Hate is not in my vocabulary especially in reference to another person.  We all have God within us.  If I recognize the God in you it is impossible for me to hate you.  The God in me can’t hate itself. I choose to see you for your best, even when you display your worst.

9.  When you spread love it comes back to you magnified.  Most of you know this is a principal that I live by.  Spread love.

10.  Tell people you love them; often!

11.  Don’t force people to jump through hoops to prove their love for you. It’s unnecessary, tiring, and leads to resentment.

12.  Be willing to see your own faults and learn from your mistakes. No one is perfect and that includes you.  It’s ok.  Cut yourself some slack.  No one expects you to be perfect.

13.  Life goes on.  Unless you die, you get the opportunity to live another day.  That is a gift.  Try as much as possible to live in the present and see the present for the gift that it is.

14.  Your time and attention are two of the greatest gifts you can give a person.  Give someone your undivided attention sometimes and see what a difference it makes in your communication.

15.  Be willing to see the other person’s point of view.  That doesn’t mean you have to agree with it, but by seeing it you will find an understanding.

16.  Be willing to admit when you are wrong.

17.  Don’t give up.

18.  Laugh often – especially at yourself.

19.  See your children as the individuals that they are and appreciate your time with them.  It will be gone before you know it.

20.  When you are surrounded by friends who love, support, and encourage you, you can survive anything. Again, I could write an entire blog around this.

21. You are stronger than you think you.  Most of us don’t know what we are capable of until we are presented with a situation. It’s when things are at their worst that we sometimes see what we are really made of.

22.  Be willing to laugh (even at yourself) loud and often.  There are a lot of serious things that occur in life, but there is a lot of funny stuff as well.  Laughter is healing.  Never take yourself so seriously that you can’t enjoy a good laugh.

Lean On Me

Let’s spend a minute talking about compassion.  Webster’s Dictionary defines it as sympathetic consciousness of others’ distress together with a desire to alleviate it.  The operative words being “with a desire to alleviate it.”  Each of us goes through periods of struggle.  Sometimes we make others aware of the challenges we face, and sometimes we choose to keep them to ourselves. If you do not share your experiences then others are not conscious of them. There is little they can offer by way of compassion.

What happens, however, when we allow someone that little glimpse?  Will they say “oh that’s too bad,” pat you on the back and go on their merry way?  Or, will they take they fully take the time to honestly HEAR what is going on with you? Will they ask someone close to you in order to minimize your pain of repeating the story multiple times?  And upon hearing what will they do?

I’ve noticed that a lot of people are too concerned, burdened, overwhelmed by their own burdens to help lighten anyone else’s load.  Some people are not overburdened; they are just undercaring.  Frankly, your woes have no effect on their lives and they don’t care to hear the details of your issues.  But then…along come the compassionate ones.  These are the folks who will let you unburden your heart leaving all your troubles on their strong shoulders.  Because of the type of hearts that they have, you may never know how heavy their individual load already is that day.  They may never get around to sharing their struggle with you.

I love compassionate people.  Not only are they caring and concerned about you, but for me they remind me of all that is good in the world.  Compassionate people do what they can to help others.  They do it often because that is how they are designed.  They are truly the architects of the song  verse “if I can help someone along the way, then my living shall not be in vain.”  These people have large hearts and the things they do for others is not for public knowledge or accolades.  They would honestly rather that no one know.

I don’t know if true compassion can be taught, but is certainly worth looking into.  If you find yourself somewhat detached from the “issues” of others consider what your wish would be were the shoe on the other foot.  Consider the little things you can do to help alleviate someone else’s pain.  I don’t believe that compassion lies solely in large gestures.  As a matter of fact, I more believe it is the little things we do that count toward lightening someone’s else’s load.  I love the Kirk Franklin version of the song “Lean on Me” especially the line that says “Here’s my shoulder.  You can lean on me.”  Be someone else’s crutch today, if only for a few minutes.  Lighten their load.  Help them laugh when the tunnel ahead looks bleak.  Give them a meal to tide them over.  Offer your sincere friendship when they are feeling all alone.  And by all means, don’t be the one who adds one additional brick to the pile. Being kind is free.  Spreading love is priceless.

You’ve Got A Friend

We all have friends.  Most, if not all of us, have at least one best friend.  Friendship is a wonderful thing.  But something occurred to me today.  Not all of us have THAT friend.  The one who will tell you what you need to hear not what you want to hear.  The one who will pull you in off the ledge all of the time with a simple “calm down.”

I want you to be clear on what I mean here.  This is NOT the friend who is ride or die- ready to pick up the charge and go off to kick a** with you because YOU said someone did something “wrong” to you.  This is NOT the friend who will allow you to mope, cry, and host the pity party to beat all pity parties whenever you feel the occasion warrants.  No, not this friend. Not this friend.

This is the friend who says to you “I understand” and continues on to examine the situation from a purely rational, impartial (meaning you may not like it) point of view.  This is the friend who pulls you off the ledge saying “Come on in.  It’s dangerous out there and trust me this is not worth it.” And then… and then, this friend goes on in a calm, loving way to show you how this is not the end of the world.

But some people are not ready for this type of friendship.  They think if a person does not totally agree with them that individual is being disloyal.  They think that if they are angry, then their friend should get fired up and angry as well.  They don’t appreciate the value of the person who will just talk things through showing them both the good and the bad of all sides.  Hopefully they will eventually.  For this type of friend is one of your greatest assets.

You know the best thing about this friend? When you have to return to the friend to say “I hate to admit it, but you were right” they just kinda smile and let you know that’s it’s ok.  They got your back.  Always.  You’ve got a friend.

Didn’t Win the Mega Millions But Still A Lottery Winner

We all had it- Mega Millions FEVER!  Even those who “normally don’t play the lottery” joined into the fray.  Who can scoff?  $640 million dollars on a chance with just a $1 investment.  Why, you’d be a fool not to buy at least one ticket, right? RIGHT!!!

So here I am, lil ole me, claiming that prize all week. I mean I was putting all of the Laws of Attraction to work to claim the money.  All good.  So now it’s time to wait.

I fell asleep watching t.v. on Friday after hearing the winning numbers (but not checking my ticket).  I awakened about 2:45 a.m.  to “get in the bed” and saw a text from a friend in Chicago: “Did you win?  $640 million dollar winner in MD.”  *insert dramatic heartbeat music* But I still didn’t check.  I returned to sleep.  Well, about an hour before I was due to awaken on Saturday I guess my subconscious mind could no longer take the drama.  I awakened to check my ticket.  😦  I am not the winner.  I’ve got extra time to kill now so I mosey onto Facebook.  I’ve got an inbox message “1 winner.  Ticket sold in Baltimore County.”  *turn up volume on dramatic heartbeat music*  I’m thinking… I’m thinking… well I know it’s not me but it could be someone I know.  Look at my timeline and see a message written by a fellow mom from my kids’ old school  “ticket sold at 7-11 on Liberty Rd.”  O_O!!!! Now this thing is getting serious.  This is very close to home.  “Which 7-11?” I wonder as I think to myself “if it’s the one in the strip mall where I elected to get my ticket at the liquor store instead I’m going to be SIIIIIIICK!”  Turn on the t.v.  All of the news crews are at the 7-11 on Liberty Rd at Milford Mill Blvd.  Well, not my immediate neighborhood but definitely my acre of the woods.

It’s Monday now and we have more info.  There were 3 lucky people who will share in this record-breaking pot (lucky dogs).  3 tickets sold in 3 different states. The MD winner has not yet come forth but we do know that at the time of that purchase they bought a single random ticket .  So yes folks, 1 dollar is ALL that it takes.  Alas, I did not win the Mega Millions (this time) but I am still such a winner in the lottery of life.  And so my friends are you.

When I think of all of my blessings, I realize that I have things no money can buy or make better:

1.  I was born into a wonderful family.  Yes, there is a degree of dysfunction, but there is love and caring in abundance.  My family has my back and my best interest at heart.  They are there for me and I them.

2.  I have the best set of friends.   If it is true that you attract what you are, then I’m a WHOLE LOT better than what I think I am.  My friends are supporters, dream sharers, butt kickers, love bearers, tear catchers, and way makers.  We get by with helping each other.

3.  My kids are the best.  They are not perfect but they are perfect for me.  They give me no trouble.  They are intelligent, great thinkers, independent minded and their own people.  I could not ask for more.

4.  I am in great health.  While my body is not EXACTLY where I want it, it does show evidence of my dedication to the gym.  I am getting close to the magic age and I take no medications for anything.  I have had no medical scares of any kind.  I have the strength to physically and mentally take care of those who need me.

That about sums it up.  You can’t get much better than that.  The money would have been a wonderful asset to my life but it would not have made my life.  My life is perfectly complete as it is.  There are some things that could bear improving but I won’t complain.  I’m alive, I’m healthy, I’m blessed.  I’m a WINNER.

 

Spread love…peace and blessings

The Beauty of Sharing

We all have them: the day, the week, sometimes even the month when we are down in the dumps, feeling the blues, nothing is going right and we wonder what is our purpose in life.  Many of us get frustrated at such a time.  We  withdraw into ourselves and “ride it out.” For some, this action can be dangerous as it leads to excessive levels of depression.  For others, it is thought to be the cure that is needed to help get themselves together again.  I will readily admit that I am currently in one of those spaces.  Instead of shutting down and closing in on myself as I would normally do I decided to take a different approach.

I actually decided to share a little of what I’m experiencing with a few close and trusted friends.  The result, a mere 24 hours after the fact has been interesting to say the least.  Those who appreciate the cheer I share with them were more than happy to help fill up my cup.  A small act on their part, no doubt, but hugely appreciated by me.  The lesson is that sometimes people can’t give you what you need if they are not aware that you need it.  The next lesson is one that I’ve known but I love the reinforcement. It comes from a young lady who was wise beyond her years named Anne Frank: “despite everything, I truly believe that people are really good at heart.”

I know the temptation is there to not share disappointments and mistakes.  You figure no one wants to hear of your troubles or that you may be judged.  While this is a risk it doesn’t outweigh the rewards. Especially when your strongest desire is to withdraw, don’t keep everything to yourself.  Be willing to step out on a limb and share your experiences.  They may help someone else to heal and in the process you may find some or many who help you heal as well.  It all comes down to spreading love.  It’s true that no one wants to hear someone’s tales of woe all of the time, but people are far more desirous than you may believe to help someone else along the way.

Spread love…peace and blessings

Out On A Limb

One of the scariest things for some people to do is to put themselves “out there.” You see in being “out there” we are exposed.  Our feelings, our emotions, our thoughts, our actions are visible and available for someone else’s approval, perusal, and potentially criticism and judgement.  Most people have a strong need to be accepted by others.  This need is heightened when we are personally vested in the situation- either we have feelings for  the other person, have professional goals at stake, or hold the other person in high esteem.

The fear of exposure leads us to hold back that which should or could be shared.  We walk the line gingerly,  giving some but not too much.  We think that allowing ourselves to be fully seen and accepted is unnecessary and unwise.  After all, we have enough evidence  to the contrary to know that very few people ever “put themselves out there like that.”  The  result?  We have a number of relationships that are not operating at their fullest and greatest potential.  And this, in my opinion, is a sad state of affairs.

In general, the American culture has become a lot more fear based.  It’s the arena of political correctness. We don’t want to offend others in any way, shape, or form.   Most of our interactions are based on getting along.  With that as our basis, however, we are very inauthentic.  If the goal is not to offend, we can still work toward that end.  In sharing our true thoughts, feelings, and emotions we can still be kind.  There is no rule that says the truth must be delivered with meanness.  Kindness can come even when the harshest of assessments is being given.  If we desire to be kind, we will seek to deliver kindness. I know of people who state “I don’t tell them the truth because I don’t want to be mean.”  My response?  “By not telling him that you are not interested you ARE being mean.  You are building hope for him where there is none. ”

We are a politically correct society.  In many cases this works to our detriment. We are also a society of selfish people.  We don’t go out on a limb because we are protecting self. It has nothing to do with the other person. I have recently been doing a lot of observation of romantic relationships, both married and otherwise attached. What I have noted is that in the relationships that appear to be working really well and are the happiest there appears to be at least one person who was willing to go out on a limb for the other person. I know it can be frightening. After all, life holds no guarantees. But I’m noting that the willingness to say and show how much you care, look like a “fool” to others, and fail, if that is what happens, also holds the promise of the greatest rewards.  I noticed the same thing in friendships.  The friends who are able to fully share their thoughts and feelings yield friendships with the greatest bonds.  As an example, I spoke with my best friend today.  They were aware that I was a little less than satisfied with some of our recent conversations.  The reason? They went out on a limb to give me their unedited opinion about something that was bothering me. The opinion was not fully what I wanted to hear, but that was ok because my friend knew that I needed to hear the unvarnished truth. Again, I didn’t love the response  but that was ok.  We are good enough friends to accept the truth on both sides and hang up laughing after discussing it a bit further.  A person who tells you ONLY what you want to hear is not a true friend.  The person who goes out on a limb to tell you the truth will go out on a limb for you in other ways.

I have been struggling with this out on a limb concept lately.  I know that it can have great rewards, but again there is also the possibility of great pain. I guess the thing to remember is that the road to greatness is not easy or pain-free.  Take the chance.  The risk is outweighed by the reward.  Be willing to say this is who I am, this is what I think, this is how I feel, and it’s ok.  And if the limb breaks? Well it’s really not that far down to the ground now is it? That pile of leaves will break your fall and you can get up and start all over again.  The safe road is never the most rewarding.

Spread love…peace and blessings.