Where have all the ladies gone? Not the chicks, the grown girls, the bad b’s-I know all of them abound in droves, but where are the ladies? In Great Britain a lady is the wife of a knight, baronet, member of the peerage, or one having the courtesy title of lord and used as a courtesy title for the daughter of a duke, marquess, or earl. Thus a lady is one of superior social position with refinement and gentle manners, as defined by Webster’s. Here, in the states, I believe the term is most often focused on “with refinement and gentle manners.” When your mom admonished you to act like a lady she meant as my mom more aptly put it “act like you have some couth.” And thus we have come to the purpose of today’s blog.
I will admit that I am as guilty of watching “reality” t.v. as anyone else. I am ashamedly hooked on the Real Housewives franchise but also get in my doses of the Sports Wives. And perhaps my pervasive viewing of such has tainted my point of view. This is what I would like to believe, but sadly I know that is not correct. I will admit that these shows and others like them are making a bad situation worse.
What is the situation you ask? Well, apparently it has become unpopular to be a lady -a female who is self-respecting at all times, holds herself and others to standards of behavior, and who does not behave in belittling ways. NO! It is far more appealing to “throw down” at the first sign of insult- either perceived or real, to throw drinks in people’s faces (a favorite), and to curse and act a fool in public.
If you disagree with me that the phenomenon is growing , I challenge you to prove that. It appears that we are feeding our brains is a steady diet of this is how women behave and only those with the strongest of constitutions are able to separate reality from “reality.” You see, the truth is these people are at least clowning for a reason- a paycheck. The “ladies” who go into the streets copying such behavior are doing it for free.
Well, I’ll tell you this I watch the shows, but I don’t drink the Kool-Aid. I am teaching my daughter how to behave as a lady and letting her see for herself how foolish such behavior looks when viewed by others. We have to reclaim our girls and young ladies. They are our gems and jewels. The need to understand what is appropriate attire and behavior. They need to learn from us (adult men and women) that the person they should respect most in life is themselves. They should also know that under no circumstances should they allow others to disrespect them.
Our culture is failing them. The “ladies” on these shows get voted off as “boring.” “Who wants to see them?” Foolery garners high ratings and spin offs.
I’ll tell you this. For me it is not worth it. I am the finest quality diamond and so is my daughter. We will carry ourselves as such and you will respect us as such. Where are the rest of my ladies? Please stand up.
A Cup of Cheer 
With all due respect, I believe that you may watch a bit too much television, because I’m sure that, although you may witness this type of behavior in small doses in your real life, I am challenged to believe that the women who you associate with on a personal and daily basis behave in this manner.
Most of the people I know have seen that kind of bad behavior, but we don’t conduct ourselves that way. However, I can see how watching this on tv, and seeing some women act a fool in public (even if you witness it everyday, its probably someone that you don’t know going it) could cloud our judgement and make it seem as though most women behave that way, but if we turn off the television and more attention to the women that we actually know and not let the loud and ones over shadow the good ones, we will find that there are far more ‘Ladies’ than we thought. Ladies are just more quiet, so we may not notice them right away.
Sorry, I didn’t proofread that. I hope you can understand it outside of the typos.
I agree with you that the ladies I know don’t behave that way. That has more to do with the “birds of a feather” way of living but, that alone does not negate the facts as I see them. I cited reality tv as an example but I have more than enough real life examples to cite as well. I have teenagers. I hear of how the girls behave in school. I watch the news and see how teenagers/young women behave in gross examples of foolery. I am also on social media in more than one platform and I see how the younger ladies talk, what they talk about, etc. Girls wear their pants sagging just like the guys. I would like to believe that you are correct but I don’t think so. I didn’t say all women. It just appears to be less appalling to be unladylike.
Here is the problem as I see it: as a whole, our value system has shd and morphed into something that is amoral. I can remember going to church as a child. This is where the foundation is laid. I had, regardless of if I strayed and rebelled against it, examples of what it meant to be a lady. What is lacking today is that we are no longer raising our young ladies. They are merely growing up without the benefit of having the foundation laid for them. As my mother loves to say, “More is caught than taught”. When we don’t have a hand in the behaviors and morals of our young ladies, when we behave less than lady like, when we have random men in and out of theirs lives, we have put our stamp of approval on them doing the same. This is only reinforced by what they see on tv.
Very good points.
My Dear Sister, I have been disturbed by these very thoughts for some time. It distressess me when men call women bitches and treat them like disposable property – and many women allow this. Girlfriends my refer to each other as b’s in jest, and though a better choice of words could be found. It seems our society has been infected with the mentality that men should treat women this way – greatly influenced by music, tv, and movies. I think in our fight for equality, some women have lost their identity instead of gaining the respect and status that comes from being a woman – in the US I must add. Our society has been intertwined with many cultures that do not honor women and do treat them as property. I guess the point I am getting to is this, if you want to be treated like a lady you need to act like a lady and not tolerate disrespectful behavior from anyone. Learn how to handle yourself with tact and diplomacy rather than violence and vulgarity. You always have the choice to keep your mouth shut and walk away, but do you have the courage to do so? This does not make you a door mat or a coward as it takes far more strength and courage to refrain from reacting than it does to lash out. Enough said.
Great points- especially those about walking away.
Tirani, THANK YOU!!! Thank you for speaking on this topic as most females just aren’t seeing the widespread this has become. I have witnessed such ugly, un-ladylike behavior in the last decade to write a series of books on it. The quality of women around me amazes me. When did we stop valuing ourselves so drastically that the portrayals we see on tv have grown into the norm. Ladies are publicly out numbered.
I like that.i want to see more respect out of our ladies and more respect From the Young men and older ones to.because its really goe,i see it ever day on the buses.